Fudgie Packer

I’ve been feeling pretty full of myself about the way I’ve weathered
my first Up North winter.

I rocked the Yankee Look, with the exception of a couple of lumberjack-style disasters. I didn’t bust my ass on the ice, except while walking across the frozen expanse of Glen Lake – which I’m just not going to count. I did not succumb to the temptation of letting my pieces-parts go all Sasquatchy.

Didn’t gain 20 pounds. Didn’t get stuck or wrapped around a tree or hit a deer. Didn’t get lost in a snowdrift. Didn’t go bat-shit crazy.

Much to everyone’s disappointment.

Turns out one of winter’s most funnest activities ever is watching the newbies lose their marbles.

I could see the slow smile build just after I told you we’d just moved up here from Dallas. Oh, you were sweet as cherry pie:

“Reallllly?! From Texas!  Have you ever seen snow?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll just love it here. You’ll need to lose those shoes, of course….”
“Well, let me know who you find to color your hair. I’ve always wanted to do something daring like that to mine.”

Well, ya’ll – I did it.

Last week the snow melted, the sun was brilliant and we had a bright, welcoming mega-moon to celebrate Spring Solstice.

And I packed my sweaters and boots away.

Cue Winter Storm Warning. Drop 12+ inches of snow. Hit your marks, Snowplows! Zoom in on single digit temps, please. Perfect. Action!

I was very petulant. I had my big ‘ole pouty mouth going. (I glossed it up for full effect) How could this happen? Why? WHY?

Why? Because the Fudgie put her boots away.

I jinxed it. All my fault. Turns out, I didn’t make it through winter after all. I blew it in the homestretch.

I would apologize but y’all look so damn smug.
And, warm. In your not-yet-packed boots and sweaters and all.

As for me, I drove through the absolute worst winter weather to date. Total white out, no one on the road but my silly Dixie butt – even the snowplows were a no-show.

I thought I was being very “local” by shaking my fist at this Spring Squall. I mean, hell, I needed to get to the dern dang mall to accessorize my cruise costumes, right?

By the time I got there, I had to pry my fingers off the steering wheel, my shoulders off my ears and the car seat out of the crack of my ass.

I bought a pair of earrings and an Orange Julius.
Then I drove back home a humbled Fudgie.

Which really irks me. I hate acting like a Fudgie, I generally don’t do “humble” and now I have a freakin’ frothy orange upper lip.